I love to live and I live to love

the times we've had together. 
the laughs we've shared - the cries. we've been though  the toughest of times and the most marvelous. 
oh what you have brought out - lured, entranced, coaxed - of this infirm vulnerable little body in another life
something beautiful and buried
you fought for it, didn't you?

But you knew.
my resistance was and continues to be futile in lights of your vainglorious persistance. for if any country is able to possess the sin of unadulterated and pure pride, it would be you dearest Austria. red white red red white red red white red. those colors represent mistakes and redemption. bluntness, decisiveness. power. strength. the legacy of a dynasty and an empire that ruled the ancient world.
I knew when the tip of my toes brushed the Austrian soil apprehensively stepping off Flight 3632 Frankfurt to Graz nonstop, heart faltering and hands fluttering, that my life would never be the same. No, I would not board my plane back to America as the same person with that attitude, that demeanor, those experiences - no, because Austria, you are in intertwined into my thoughts. Everything is a pre Austria and in time there will be a post Austria. One monumenteous step marked my world as I know it, for this, one of discoveries of the divinest kind and unstable sentiments, is my life now. 

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver

so here's to the future, 9 months. 
our love is beautiful.
coming here, I constructed a list of goals...one is put love in a person or place. I believe I have found success :)

(It's the most eerie thought that I am now immune to sights that 3 months ago would of induced peals of rapture and appreciation...my environment is no longer unfamiliar, hearing German constantly doesn't excite me (no, understanding excites me!). How lovely and terrible it is to have resistance to such a magnificent city. )



"Oh," cried Marianne, "with what transporting sensations have I formerly seen them fall! How have I delighted as I walked to see them driven in showers about me by the wind! What feelings have they, the season, the air, altogether inspired! Now there is no one to regard them. They are seen only as a nuisance, swept hastily off, and driven as much as possible from the sight."

"It is not everyone," said Elinor, "who has your passion for dead leaves."
-Sense and Sensibility, Jane Austen 

oh, Austria....