transitions

"Oh," cried Marianne, "with what transporting sensations have I formerly seen them fall! How have I delighted as I walked to see them driven in showers about me by the wind! What feelings have they, the season, the air, altogether inspired! Now there is no one to regard them. They are seen only as a nuisance, swept hastily off, and driven as much as possible from the sight."

"It is not everyone," said Elinor, "who has your passion for dead leaves."

-Sense and Sensibility, Jane Austen 

oh, Austria....

I met a lot of people in Europe. I even encountered myself. (James Baldwin)

oh these autumn days, see how they glow?

It is desperately beautiful in Austria - simply glorious - as autumn comes to a sudden halt, as it's preceder summer did before, and dawn of winter starts to set in. The weather is indecisive and neurotic; I am in peals of admiration. One day blue sky is in abundance and then next day rain shatters down upon the earth with an angry roar. Fog curls around the Klagenfurt valley in the morning and vanishes by afternoon. The sun glares, hides, and smiles. The Karawanken mountains loom outside my window, snow capped. A sea of the most brilliant scarlets and golds dot the landscape. My camera is always in hand...I wish this fall could be everlasting, perfection frozen in time. Leaves crunch under my feet as I walk, my breath meanders into the crisp of the air and gently melts away, to join the receding clouds above but so close. I dread the fury of the winter, when I am in love with autumn the pacifist.

With Rotary, I went to Vienna for weekend (hence the name, "Wien Wochenende") with heightened apprehensions and expectations. Vienna is one of the crown cities of Austria, of Europe, of the world. It is a name identified with pure majesty and absolute glory, a city built for royalty. Vienna did not disappoint. It was everything I had ever imagined. 

The night before, two other exchangers from my state (Carinthia) stayed over in order to catch the train to Vienna...the Southern Austrians generally do things together, especially something as crucial as trains. Nolan (USA to Millstatt) and Chantel (Canada to Paternion) and I met with our oldie from Australia, Julia...from there, we traveled an excruciating 5 hours to Vienna via train, meeting up with Erika (USA to Leoben), Elise (Australia to Judenburg), Kieran (New Zealand to Graz), and Ben (Canada to Graz) in various locations. Of course it was lovely, simply lovely to see one another again, but we were eager to get to Vienna. 

Arriving in Vienna, we were greeted with the coldest, most bone chilling wind I've ever felt...it about nearly swept us off our feet and froze our lips and fingertips into blue. Stumbling in treacherous heels and luggage, I and the others made our way blindly through the narrow streets to the youth hostel not pausing through the numb of the cold to look up at our surroundings. When we made it to the hostel, we were greeted with the realization that we were only the second group to arrive (exchangers come in groups: Southern Austria, Linz, Bregenz, Salzburg, Vienna, Innsbruck, and random) and so we began the tedious act of waiting for the others...apprehension shared, enjoyed, and in profusion...anticipation. When everyone arrived, the last few stragglers floating through the door, it was chaos. Exchange students reuniting after 4 weeks...it was like Tauplitz but different. Tauplitz was more at the beginning of our exchange...we've all had time to adjust to school, our host families, and life away from each other. Many friends who I hadn't seen in quite sometime remarked that I had a different aura about me...more mature, serious, a bit darker...this is vaguely frightening. I am being forced to mature at alarming speeds subconciously because it is not willingly or unwillingly...it has been Austria's influence. Reflecting; there is a lot I would do to get my naive, young self back, one who dreamed about anything and everything; saw rainbows and sunshine in the most dire of situations; embraced limitations. This is how I came to Austria. But I am sure of my new, Europe induced self: loving with reckless abandon; head firmly on Earth; cynical yet optimistic; going with the flow no matter how difficult (and it has been a journey letting go of my control...realizing that I can't control every situation or take on every problem). 

Most of our time was spent experiencing Viennese culture...cafes, the nightlife, the theater, touring, shopping, it was incredible. The city is living, breathing, and alive. The architecture, breathtaking. I felt transported to a time when ageless, romantic beauty over sensibility existed. Maria Theresa, Sissi, ...it was empowering to be in a city that for so long had been the home of these feministic women, reforming and defying the rules of the royal court. Going through the royal palace I felt as if in a dream...if not in a field of gaping and equally awestruck tourists, I would of danced and floated though out the maze of ballrooms and the assorted. Just the thought of being in Vienna...it was my eye opener, letting me know, yes Libbi, you are in Austria and living the exchange student life. Even being here for two and a half months, it's been hard to accept that this is now my life because it still seems like a dream!

I say this nearly every time, but being with exchange students is the best part. When you are solo, independent, and without a family in a foreign country, the people who you can firstly relate to, understand you, spend much of your time with become family. They fill that void. These exchange students have become that family. Every opportunity to spend with them, I jump at it...for many of them, it is too early to express these feelings so bluntly but I know what we will become at the end of this year: inseperable, if we are so close at this time in the year. There are a select few that I am for certain that I will keep in touch with. 

ohhh, Canada

one American

three Americans

five Americans

....Americans?

What I've been up to:

some exploring. 

leaf that looks like a rhino BAM. 

castle in Spittal, anyone?

live autumn to it's fullest.

servus!

let's see how far we've come

wow.

so firstly I must congratulate myself and everyone else on a two months well done. 

Has it really been two months? Have I really made it through two entire months? The answer is yes, and they've been easily the best two months of my hectic 16 years. Two months of tears and laughter. Exploration of the purest kind. Two months of appreciation. Discoveries, some failures and some successes. I have discovered my love of all things historic and blissfully beautiful. My voice in ink and paper. Myself as a individual (still working on that one) and my place in this world that changes as quickly as seasons. My love for a obscure nation that boasts glittering cities and snowy peaks that touch heaven and beyond...overshadowed by it's older brother Germany and little sister Switzerland... Austria has captivated me heart, body, and soul, and when the time comes, my heart will break into two when I must leave my country as it did when I left the USA. 

It's the most terrible feeling when you feel properly torn between two places...one thing I could of never prepared myself for was how much of a genuine fondness I have for Austria...my relationship with this country goes deeper than skin. I miss the USA incredibly however the sense of worldliness Austria is teaching me is something irreplaceable.  

I celebrated my anniversary in Graz, Austria. Graz is where I landed, took my first steps on Austrian soil, met my host family, and took my first glances of Austria, wondering what I was getting myself into and preparing myself for my new life. Many feelings are connected intricately to Graz because I arrived there August 11th, 4 pm. 

my anniversary dinner: apfelstrudel and heisse schokolade

Graz is the 2nd largest city in Austria, and relatively close to me...I've found myself going there often, sometimes exclusively with my host mum, sometimes to meet exchange students. A car ride is a tedious 1.5 hours, a train is 13.40 Euros and a lovely 2 hours. Graz, to me, is a simply a bigger Klagenfurt. They share the same charm, elaboration, and Austrian beauty. I believe it is hard for Americans to understand how a city can be beautiful...when we don't really have any truly beautiful cities. We've got dazzling cities. Overwhelming cities, astonishing cities, extraordinary cities, but nothing breathtaking. When you enter Graz's Hauptplatz, you literally gasp. 

Jackie: from Canada living in Vienna. Graz is in the middle :)

NUTELLLA FACEEE

heisse schokolade...a delicate process.

mmmm.

 “Traveling is a brutality. It forces you to trust strangers and to lose sight of all that familiar comfort of home and friends. You are constantly off balance. Nothing is yours except the essential things – air, sleep, dreams, the sea, the sky – all things tending towards the eternal or what we imagine of it.” – Cesare Pavese

Wiedersehen!

A ship is safest in the harbour, but that's not what ships are for

remember this place?

In the summer, it seemed imposing and absolutely enchanting with a  prospective of a fairy tale. Nothing had changed, only that it was more of the former and less of the latter. 

My first day of school was probably one of the most scariest experiences of my life. 

Usually when I am nervous, I flutter and cry and talk anxiously. My stomach turns loops, I can't feel my hands, my fingers quiver, and my mind floods with "what if...?". But I felt nothing. I was absolutely calm and numb. It was a death march to school, walking silently amongst the mist and trees that I got to know so well during the light of the summer...only then, they seemed menacing and somber. 

I met up with Anna, a girl from my class, and she led me to class, introducing me to many Austrians along the way, many who did double takes after our retreating figures. "Ein Amerikaner? Ich glaube es nicht!" We finally made it to our class, 7c, and at the door were students. I was so tempted to turn back but Anna grabbed my arm and marched me to the door "Nein!" and began introductions again. Only this time, they were incredibly important because they were my classmates for the rest of the year. I didn't remember anyone's name. We went into the class and thus it began... All of my classmates had been in the same class, together, since they were 11. They instantly knew their seats (which had been the same since they were young) and so I was left with the only open seat which belonged previously to a AFS French foreign exchange student. I sat down...and imdediately the two boys near me struck up a conversation with me auf deutsch. I was completely dumbstruck and tongue-tied. Before I could muster up an answer, Anna saved me with a "Sie sprecht nur English!". All heads whipped around and stared. Staring was probably the most common thing of the day. Everywhere I looked there were...eyes. Curious eyes, disapproving eyes, blank eyes, friendly eyes. 

I've had a week of school now and I believe I'm settling in quite well. I've had victories and failures, as expected. Somedays I come home from school incredibly discouraged because I understood nothing in physics, and other times skipping because THEY talked to me and invited me out for coffee. On Friday, when I was greeted with a bright "Gute Morgan, Leeebee!" and the European kiss, it was the *ultimate* victory. My classmates are slowly getting used to their chatty American addition. My teachers...not so much. I have a few teachers that don't speak English at all, and communication is difficult. My classmates always post disclaimers on their English, but truly they are amazing. We get into the most hilarious discussions about America, and the questions I get asked are...umm, interesting. I laugh and cry and groan on a regular basis. Stereotypes regarding Austrians are false; Austrians are warm, friendly people. And not because of a hidden motive, no, they truly are there. When they ask how are you, they mean it. They also have quirky senses of humor. It's hard to keep up; they are so dry and sarcastic yet absolutely genuine. I truly don't understand how people can come out of this without Austrian friends when they are so willing.

School is very lax. Sometimes teachers are up to 30 minutes late; students can leave at anytime; they can pull out their cellphones in class and answer calls/text while the teacher is talking; the environment is subdued. For anyone who thought I should receive grades here...that is now ridiculous. My teachers don't expect me to do anything. I sit in silence, listen to my ipod, journal, and do page after page of elementary German grammar. I understand little, and then on top of that they are way more advance than what high school in the USA has to offer, even AP or IB. The only class I receive homework in is English and German, thank goodness...! I love English, because everyone regards me as the authority, even above the teacher. It's a lovely change. I am taking some of my German classes with the class 2d...which is for the 11 year olds. They are adorable and so eager to learn English and practice with me; it's probably my favorite class. 

My classes:

Chemistry, AustrianHistory/EuropeanHistory, English, French, Architecture, Philosophy, German, Math, Art, Vocal Music, Current Events, Religion, Physics, Sports. Worst class? Math and Physics are killer. English bores me to tears half the time. In Religion, I can understand the teacher, who speaks high German. Everyone laughs a lot, which is...slightly awkward, especially if they mention the word "Amerikaner". 

people in my class: do you see Alexandra? Everyone knows me because I'm staying with the Ugovseks'. I sit next to Tamara, Sophie, Dominik, Bernhard, and Victoria. They are lovely.

(is Wolfgang not the most hardcore name ever?)

class photo from last year. African student was an exchanger from France, no, we don't get any diversity here in Austria. Alexandra sits opposite from him. 

& my Rotary weekend!

I went for my first Rotary weekend here from Friday the 18th to Sunday the 20th in the Styrian Alps. It was my first opportunity to meet with the January inbound group (I'm apart of the August inbounds) and have some desired time with my friends from the August group. As expected, I had absolute loads of fun.

 I came home early from school, and hauled myself and my bulky luggage (I have not lost the tendency to overpack) through the Klagenfurt bus system to the train. There I waited anxiously until my train came and called the two other Carinthian exchangers who were already on it, stepped on the train, looking, and then Nolan (USA) stepped out into the aisle. Chantel (Canada) ran on to the train as it was departing, and after a reunion, I realized how much I missed exchangers. My classmates are beautifully Austrian, but they don't understand. They haven't left everything they knew behind...matured within weeks...said goodbyes to last a year... tried to fit into a society opposite of their own...sobbed over pages of German grammar and photos of family...realized they were more and less than enough...opened their eyes to a new world.

We were the last group to reach the meeting point...and when we did, it was a reunion to end ALL reunions. The floodgates opened. The Vienna, Bregenz, Salzburg, Graz, and Linz inbounds were all there and seeing each other for the first time in 3 weeks was incredible. Hugs were generous, laughing was necessary, and I could scarcely breathe between the fruitful conversations. It was...perfect. Like going back to your family.

The rest of the weekend was absolutely gorgeous. There were times I felt a void of home that Klagenfurt had helped to fill, and the gaping wound of the US reopened, but other exchange students kept my mind occupied. I feel that out of the inbounds, I have suffered from continuous homesickness that physically hurts and many are aware of this. I feel blessed to have so many people watching out for me; so relieved and assured. 

This was called a "Hiking Weekend in the Alps" and so we were prepare to hike...however not for 7 hours. It was probably one of the more difficult hikes I've ever accomplished. Many of my Canadian/American friends led the group...however I grew content with the easy going attitude of the slow group rounding up the back. It was desperately hot going up with the furious glare of the sun burning daggers at the mountains; the top of the mountain was positively frigid and scarce in environment. We climbed...and climbed...and climbed. I will never forget the feeling as we approached the bottom of the mountain. One word: RELIEF. Although many of us were exhausted, at nightfall we gathered again after free time for another Rotary planned activity which turned out to be a night hike with torches to a disco. Imagine the absolute most black of blacks, a curtain of glittering luminescent stars suspended in a web in the tranquil sky, the swish of flicking flames against this dark backdrop? It was unreal. Halfway through the weekend I realized I was in most incredible, awe-inducing location in the world to be able to see stars like no other. The Austrian Alps...so isolated from the beams of European city life. 

so much more awaits. Tschüss!